March 30, 2009
If you think the economy's going to the dogs, then you need The WoofGang's Guide to Understanding the News.
as-set (noun): A useful and desirable thing; your dog. Related forms toxic asset: the thing that leaves your dog's behind; the aftereffect of consumption; Toxic Asset Relief Program (TARP): walking your dog.
bail-out; bail out (noun; verb): To skip walking your dog when the weather stinks.
budg-et (verb): To kick your dog off the couch.
class en-vy (noun): One dog eyeing another dog's bone.
ec-o-nom-ic down-turn (noun): Your checking account balance after a vet visit.
free mar-ket (verb): Unrestrained feeding from an open food source.
Gross Do-mes-tic Prod-uct (proper noun): See asset, toxic.
re-fi (verb): What you do to afford your dog.
stim-u-lus pack-age (noun): The UPS deliveryman who rings your doorbell.
stim-u-lus roll-out (noun): See photo above.
tax hike (noun): Walking your dog until you drop.
tel-e-promp-ter (noun): Dog barking on TV. Variation Doorbell ringing on TV.
The Fed chair-man (proper noun): The gatekeeper of the treat jar.
waste-ful spend-ing (noun): Obedience classes.
wealth trans-fer (noun): A vet visit.